Growing up I had many psychic and spiritual experiences that I didn’t exactly understand at the time. These profound experiences didn’t hold weight for me on a spiritual level because of my lack of self-acceptance. I felt shame for what I was experiencing because some of the adults and kids in my life were cruel about what I would share, causing me to bury my gifts deep down inside of myself.
As I got older I had more and more psychic experiences, and as I became more self-aware it was harder to ignore them. But my being conditioned to feel shame for my gifts at an early age really prescribed these things as shameful causing me to hold them inside even tighter. I was now acknowledging my gifts but still with a ting of shame.
When I was in my mid 20’s I lived with a partner who wasn’t exactly into psychic experiences the way I was experiencing them, but they were into energy work. They were into acupressure and reiki, and I didn’t fully understand this at the time because they refused to use those terms or clearly explain those were their practices. They held themselves like they were in a place of superiority over me and that they didn’t need to explain themselves to me and that I just needed to trust them.
For several years this partner would do energy work on me. They would help release my blocked chakras, but again they wouldn’t explain that. They practiced their spirituality all while invalidating mine. This was confusing and I felt spiritually small. This partner would say was “Can I try something on you, it’s like a healing meditation.” They wouldn’t tell me I had blocked chakras or that they were doing reiki. When I would sometimes ask what they were doing, they would always reply with “You have an energy block and your energy is not able to circulate through your body”. My previous experiences never included spiritual healing so I didn’t exactly understand any of this, I just blindly followed them due to my insecurities. They also kept this energy work closely related to our sexual relationship. They would explain that this “meditation” work was for us to become closer to each other, all while invalidating my spiritual experiences, and taking advantage of my inexperience to reiki. All of this made my spiritual experiences hit me a lot harder and made things even more confusing. All of the beautiful gifts I was receiving were getting lost because it was hard to know what was happening. My guides were coming in full force and the energy in my body was unfamiliar and scary. I was getting a lot of psychic downloads and not understanding why or how. I felt like I was losing my mind and fell deeply into depression and anxiety.
It took me years after we broke up to revisit my spirituality in any deep and meaningful way, but once I did I was able to fully understand what I was experiencing. I was no longer being led by a spiritual predator and things were opening up for me at an appropriate pace.
In sharing this I’m hoping to shed light on some actions spiritual predators might take. I’m hoping to help empower you to move at the pace that is comfortable for you, and to take care of your mind, soul, and body in a really important way.
