This month hasn’t been anything like I was envisioning. I imagined that I would be finished so many of my July goals by now, but I’m not. I’m still taking time for myself and allowing different aspects of myself to catch up to where I am now.
The first half of this month has been slow and insulating. I have been reflecting and allowing myself time to catch up. I have sat with my inner stillness until all of myself has accepted the things that I have been exploring and actualizing in my life.
Quiet reflection is hard work. It’s tiring, lonely, and slow. I know I touched on the idea of waiting for yourself to catch up and that a lot of forwarding movement is this. It’s where you stop yourself and ruminate on something so heavily that all the aspects of self learn and internalize the change.
It’s a place of the upheaval of old parts of self that no longer serve me and the growth of new parts of me, allowing myself to heal and learn new habits and new ways of thinking and looking at what my life means and the connection I have to it and all things.
Like I said earlier this can be a scary place, it’s lonely. It’s a place where only yourself is allowed and it is a place of brutal self-honesty and brutal self-reflection. Yes, this space also allows for deeper spiritual connection, but that growth, that is you. You make those connections and sit within yourself and allow it to become something that it hasn’t been before. It is a place of self-empowerment.
So, needless to say, that for the past two weeks I have been using my office to lightly stretch out, read books to identify how I’m holding trauma in my body, diving deep into shadow work, taking notes, connecting with ancestors, and trying to figure out how to let it all out, to share it with the world in a way where I have truly internalized everything that I have been learning and accepting these past two weeks.
The most important lesson I have internalized so far is to go slow. It’s to sit with myself and hear all parts of myself. As a new realization washes over me to explore it through all lenses of my perception and to allow myself to understand all of it in such deep, meaningful, and moving ways that I carry the power of this change with me and I’m able to share it, and how important that quiet space of reflection is for almost all growth.
